The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office ~Aesop
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Unknown
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. ~Gore Vidal
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson
Don’t vote, it only encourages them. ~Unknown
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers
I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won
(around a picture of dandelions)
So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me
I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy
If They Don’t Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain’t Going
At My Age, I’ve Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All…
I Just Can’t Remember It All
My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog
No, It Doesn’t Hurt
(on a “well-tattooed” man)
If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off
(on the back of a passing motorcyclist)
Yale Is Just One Big Party… (on the Front)
…With a $25,000 Cover Charge (on the back)
Coffee, Chocolate, Men … Some Things Are Just Better Rich
Liberal Arts Major … Will Think For Money
Growing Old is Inevitable; Growing Up is Optional
Gravity: It’s Not Just a Good Idea - It’s the Law.
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Skydiving Isn’t For You
Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
Hi! Sylvia. How’d you die?
I froze to death.
It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
So, what happened?
I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer —- we’d both still be alive.
(That’s not the joke as I know it, but the idea is the same)