A guy walks into a bar in the South and orders a white wine.
All the rednecks sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”
The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.”
The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?”
The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”
“No”, says the Canadian “A taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi, I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”
A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland, at midnight. During the pilot’s pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is full from the last flight so an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man makes his way to the aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time.
He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later. As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot and says, “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.”
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands tall and says, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son. I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland, for 11 months without leave. I have one stripe. It’s -40 degrees, and my job is to pump shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?”